Exactly just just What had been the probabilities things could wind up violently between us — beside me, needless to say camcontacts, obtaining the shitty end? Might Trayvon force himself on me personally in a manner that I became unwilling to simply accept but struggling to stop?! They were perhaps maybe perhaps not questions that are idle. I thought long and difficult about it, however in the final end i decided that no, he’dn’t accomplish that. Predicated on just exactly what, you may well ask? Good question — we don’t understand.
Another consideration ended up being, the thing that was Trayvon getting away from this relationship? Demonstrably, he’d have yourself an intercourse partner and also at minimum some use of my canteen account. We knew he’d simply no cash, and then he knew that I’d at the least some funds. Maybe he was actually drawn to me personally in which he had been a mooch — an opportunity was represented by me to fulfill both requirements! Ended up being here any such thing undoubtedly incorrect with this? As of this very early phase we told myself that so long as he didn’t get too greedy I happened to be ok to allow him have soup or even a honey bun as he desired one thing. Why shouldn’t I reward him for their relationship? After all, we endured to have something from this too — unlike my situation at Swift Annex I’d have jail bad-ass to my part just in case i obtained threatened or harassed.
Did Trayvon have HIV or various other STD? Of course he said no and said he previously to obtain tested sporadically and blah blah that is blah. I did son’t press the problem or require seeing the test outcomes. Rather We asked myself — keep in mind, this person ended up being assigned to kitchen responsibility — Would my state’s DOC designate a guy with HIV compared to that form of work? I experienced to think the solution ended up being no, no chance. Other inmates later on laughed within my self- self- confidence in DOC! Additionally, he wasn’t using any meds — either K.O.P. (“keep on person”) or dose that is single. Therefore we judged him become healthier.
Had been I truly the only guy he had been striking on or are there other people — either there in my own dorm or in your kitchen where he worked sixdays per week? Did we care about that? A jail dorm is approximately the smallest amount of personal spot you can are now living in, thus I could see the vast majority of Trayvon’s interactions with other people. He previously other buddies, black colored & white. Achieved it seem like he had been striking on any one of those dudes? Response — no. As to whether I cared, we must’ve cared or I would personallyn’t are having to pay a great deal attention. But we told myself we cared maybe perhaps not away from jealousy but because I became nevertheless trying to puzzle out their real motives and concerned about getting an STD.
We asked myself: me unfaithful to my ex-wife with whom I hoped to reconcile when I got out if I do this does that make? Exactly just What would which means that? We had been divorced!
Could carrying this out somehow turn me personally gay after a very long time to be right — at least since it pertains to grownups? I did son’t understand yet because I experiencedn’t had this experience yet. But I was thinking — no. I became building an exception that is special this “friend with benefits, ” an exception that will end as soon as we ended. I was thinking, “Trayvon is just a situation that is unique. What other young black colored dudes might be thinking about an adult white guy? ” Thus far, i did son’t feel any gayer. I happened to be just messing around and having some disgusting fun. It absolutely was a jail thing.
Before looking at the prospective advantages Trayvon needed to provide being a “friend with advantages” i want to say one final instead serious problem that I didn’t think of in front of time — although in hindsight i must say i needs! That has been, assume we had been learned? Suppose rumors because I was spending a lot of time hanging around Trayvon’s bunk and we’re smiling at each other a lot about us began to fly around the dorm just? Just just exactly What would we do, if any such thing, to squelch rumors that are such?